Monday, February 13, 2006
LIFE sux... u noe wat, i hate this life im having rite nw. thinking abt God gave me this life. but all i think rite nw is that this life really is meaningless. i ask myself y everytime im feeling so shit. the feeling i hated the most is this. the feeling that i cant explain. but all i noe is that this feeling sux to core. make me wanna jump of a building. make me jus wanna end this miserable life. wats the meaning of life when u dont get wat u wan in it. rite nw, i jus feel like cursing n swearing at no one.
CHURCH... wats the point of going to church when my attitute is like that. going to church nw is jus a waste of time. go church oso nv go service n end up downstairs donno doing wat. go cell oso nv learn anything. go in one ear n out the other. wats the point rite? im jus wasted time. wasting God's time n mine. somemore i dont drag myself into it but oso others who notice me. i jus wanna me drag down alone n nt others.
so ppl... jus stay far far away from me cos i dont wanna get involve in all this anymore. n i dont wan u to get involve.
even the one that is closest to me. find it so hard to tok to u. nw even on the fone.
ARGH.... i jus dont wanna sae anymore le.
I GIVE UP!!!
1:30 AM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Yesterdae, had a tiring dae. though i did nt do anything much, but somehow, i felt slpy n all. woke up early. meet up with some of the guys n we head down to sin ming drive where the wake was held. reach there n some of the guys r there oready. so we pay our respect to ken n we take a sit. all of us donated abit. when the time was up, the body was move into the van n was send to another place for some service. we took a bus there. all of us took a sit n waitedfor the service to over. some chunting n stuff. than later the body was send to a place where the burn the body. we were upstairs looking n so many of us cried. i was trying nt to but my tears keeps flowing down from my eyes. looking at his sis, i could see that she was really really sad. when the body was move into the fire, she was crying n crying n kept calling out to her bro "kor kor". i couldn't take it n i cried even more. when everything was over, we went out n had some refreshment. than the parents came n started to cry so much. his mum started to cry n cry even when we r on the bus going back, she was crying n she said that she didn't wanna live anymore. but her sis was there n scolded her for saeing such a thing. she still hav a daugther. i was like still crying in the bus.
i miss him oready. my fren who hav been there for me. my fren who forgive me when i did something wrong. my fren who would take the time to hang out with all of us. a fren that no one can replace.
Ken yeow... u will nv be forgotten. from the dae i noe u till nw, i thank u for all the times we had together.
acaully, i did nt wanna go for the wake cos i wanted to visit my frens but im glad i went cos if i dont, i'll regret it for the rest of my life. thank u ah sia for asking me to make a wise decision.
after that, i head down to andy's n anais place to visit them. had so much fun n i tried to cheer myself up n nt let ppl see that i was crying. hope that nobosdy notice it. i ate quite alot there than played cards. some were playing majong n xbox. i hang out ard there until ard 6. than bassie drove us to tany hse to visit. had so much fun there. eat again. tok n ppl im close with. drank wine. played pro evolution on the ps2. some went to play majong upstairs. tany abit crazy wan... the whole bottle of wine, he drank like 3/4 of it.
I thank all of u guys for everything. for being in my life. sometimes i wonder wat i would be like nw if i hav nt been to church. scary man. hehe. i guess i would hav tatoo everywhere, piercing everywhere, still be in the gangs. woah... scary. hehe.
thats all... I LOVE ALL OF YOU.
11:42 AM
